Bogie and Bacall: Hollywood’s Greatest Romance, Part 2
Their biggest movie was emotionally their hardest
This is a continuation of a series detailing Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall’s famous romance. If you have not read part 1, check it out here.
When To Have and Have Not wrapped, and with some time between the movie’s release, Lauren Bacall and Humphrey Bogart continued their love affair. They typically met late at night. These midnight meet-ups happened because: 1) that was the only time they could meet without anyone (mainly Mayo Methot, Bogart’s wife and also the press) noticing and 2) Bogart usually called after fights with Mayo (where she was physically and verbally abusive). He knew Bacall would be there for comfort.
One night, after a nasty fight, Bogart told Bacall he had to end the marriage; he could not stand the fighting, nor the sneaking around.
Despite being absolutely devoted to one another, Humphrey Bogart was having an affair. Morally, some take issue with this aspect of Bogart’s character. To who it mattered most, Bacall never had one bad word to say about Bogart — then or afterwards; she felt horrible and helpless that Mayo abused Bogart. From Bogart’s perspective, he felt guilty about the situation. He was worried he would hurt Bacall and their love would be over in an instant. Lauren Bacall, however, remained optimistic. “Throughout this period I had to keep telling myself it would all come true for Bogie and me,” Bacall hoped.
In August of 1944, Bogart asked Bacall to visit him in Newport Beach, California — Bogart and Mayo’s neck of the woods. Bogart was an avid sailor; he loved the ocean. Newport Beach was where he sailed from, and he wanted to show Bacall the world he absolutely adored. Bacall left town, quietly, for the meet up with Bogart — though Bacall’s mother had some advice before she left: “If his wife catches you down there, it will be just awful”. It was Bacall’s first time on a “large” boat, and Bogart showed her everything. He explained why boats came in all shapes and sizes, the way to take care of a boat and the different races he loved to participate in. “This is why I love sailing — the sea — the air — it’s clean and healthy and away from the Hollywood gossip and leeches,” Bogart told Bacall.
One night together, Bogart had an idea: drinks at the local yacht club, which meant going somewhere together in public for the first time. “You’re crazy,” Bacall told Bogart. “We’ll just go for one hour,” assured Bogart and off they went. The two spent the evening in a dimly lit room at the club, meeting a couple of Bogart’s boating friends. Bacall was nervous throughout the night and did not want any trouble. She was worried Mayo would show up at any moment. They left after an hour and spent the rest of the night on the boat. Despite the nerves, Bacall enjoyed the night on the town. It was a step toward having an actual relationship.
During their adventures, news broke that Howard Hawks, director of To Have and Have Not, would direct another movie with the couple: The Big Sleep. Bacall was in no matter what: “If we could work together again, we could be together again. What a lovely, happy thought,” Bacall wrote. The Big Sleep is the messiest of their four movies and came at a time where the relationship hit its lowest point.
The Big Sleep
While Hawks prepped for The Big Sleep, Bogart and Bacall met, again, in Newport Beach. Bogart was not happy. He informed Bacall that “Mayo was going to stop drinking” — or try — “and he had to give her that chance”, Bacall describes the conversation. Bogart reiterated that he loved Bacall “as much as ever”, but it would be best to cool off on meeting up. How Bacall immediately reacted to the news is unknown; she kept busy rehearsing for their next movie. Their actions spoke louder than any words: Bogart and Bacall stopped seeing each other.
During those weeks of separation, Bacall worried. “Maybe Mayo was behaving herself; maybe they’d stay together. Every negative idea I’d ever had came to the fore,” Bacall recalled. Bacall would tell herself that she knew she loved him, and knew Bogart loved her. Staying positive was key to not get trapped by depression.
Prepping for The Big Sleep was difficult. Bacall became unhappy, depressed and worried every day. “You don’t love someone so much one minute and stop the next,” she declared to herself. Hope shone through on September 16th, her 20th birthday. Red roses were delivered to her with the note “Look who’s twenty — Steve”. (Steve was Bogart’s character from To Have and Have Not). Bacall was elated. “He was trying to do the right thing with everyone,” she believed.
As family saw previews, and the film was ultimately released, To Have and Have Not became Bacall’s obsession. She was proud of the movie and loved hearing reactions from family and friends. The film took her mind off Bogart. In October of 1944, The Big Sleep began filming; Bogart and Bacall had not spoken or seen each other in weeks.
One afternoon, early in production, Bacall was with Hawks in his bungalow. A car pulled up, which drew Bacall’s attention. It was Bogart; Bacall began to shake. “Hello, Slim, how are you?” he asked her. They kept the talk strictly to business. Bogart showed Bacall his new car, which was all he could find himself to talk about. “Pretty color,” was all Bacall could say, “I have to go to wardrobe.” She went to the bathroom and trembled. She had a million questions: Was he going to stay with Mayo? When would he know for sure? When would he tell her? How would they get through filming this new movie?
When she left the bathroom, Bogart was gone.
The first scene Bacall filmed for The Big Sleep was her first scene meeting Bogart’s character. The Big Sleep is based on a Raymond Chandler novel of the same name. Bogart plays a private investigator, hired by a family to solve a crime. (That’s all about I could give you for the film, the rest is up for grabs in how to describe the plot. It is difficult to describe the twists and turns).
Bacall was nervous to film. In the scene, Bacall’s character pours a drink. She shook as she poured her glass; Bogart tried to joke around as he had during To Have and Have Not. The result was mixed. The first couple weeks of shooting, Bacall stayed close to Hawks (which Hawks probably enjoyed), because “that seemed to be the only way I could deal with it,” remembered Bacall. Despite being wracked with nerves, Bacall gives a no-nonsense performance. Her character takes the lightheartedness from Bogart’s character and unapologetically spits it right back. The viewer senses Bacall’s frustration — her sadness — she has about their real life relationship. (I see it in her eyes during this scene. There is pain and nervousness in her eyes as she does a scene with Bogart after so much time away and with the possibility of Bogart staying with Mayo). The Big Sleep begins with a less “lovey” and more matter-of-fact performance, reflecting where Bogart and Bacall’s relationship was at that point.
During filming one day, Bogart told Bacall he wanted to talk with her. On a drive home, he reiterated how much he loved her and how many times he wanted to call. Bacall huddled close to the driver’s side door, believing she should not get too close. “The last few weeks were the most difficult of my life,” Bogart told Bacall. He also explained her worst nightmare: Bogart and Mayo remained married. Mayo battled alcoholism and was trying to get clean. Bogart repeated the fact he had to give Mayo a chance. Bacall respected Bogart’s decision, but did not like it. Bogart accepted the answer. At least the two were on speaking terms.
Soon after their chat, Bogart and Bacall found it easier to talk to one another; they soon began joking on set again. Deeper into shooting, Bacall received a phone call late one evening. “Who else?” Bacall remembered. Bogart had a fight with his wife, who had gone back to drinking. Bacall was there to comfort. On another night, he called again, “depressed, upset and worried”. His chief concern at that moment was believing Bacall was uneasy about their age difference; Bacall shot those worries down.
Bacall’s worries consisted of more broader thoughts. “How in the hell can you handle love without turning your life upside down?,” Bacall asked herself, “That’s what love does, it changes everything.” To her horror, Hawks stuck his nose into her life again, telling Bacall to get rid of any personal relationship with Bogart. Bacall did not want to anger Hawks, who in turn could make her career disappear (no career and no Bogie would send Bacall into a deep depression).
Internally, she told Hawks to get lost. Her love for Bogart was “first and total”, and Bacall could not ignore these feelings. Even with the challenges their love brought, Bacall welcomed this change in her life. “I had to see Bogie; I had to be with him,” remembered Bacall.
Life grew even more crazy. During filming of the The Big Sleep, Humphrey Bogart moved out of his house and into the Beverly Hills Hotel. He finally acted on his feelings, despite knowing he would hurt Mayo. In the end, he did not want to hurt anyone. Warner Brothers, the movie studio distributing The Big Sleep, released a statement saying that Bogart and Mayo were separating. That news brought a more relaxed feeling on set; the jokes and smiles returned. Bogart began to act on his feelings, and Bacall was thrilled. Soon, she began sneaking into the Beverly Hills Hotel to see Bogart.
Still, Bogart and Mayo were only separated and remained married; the affair was still considered illicit. But try telling two people so deep in love their love was illicit and they will shoo you away.
The good feelings were short lived: weeks before wrapping The Big Sleep, Bogart informed Bacall he was going back to Mayo. Bacall wept, “But why?” Bogart told her Mayo was sick and he felt “he had to”, as he had told her before. He felt an obligation to stay married and help Mayo recover from her sickness. At the moment, however, Bogart’s timing was less than ideal: Bacall was fifteen minutes away from filming a scene. She ran into the bathroom “had a good cry, got some ice and pressed it to my eyes,” she recalled, “I was a mess.” He was serious: Bogart moved out of his hotel room and returned home. Seeing his reconciliation in the papers “made me want to die,” Bacall recalled.
The Big Sleep is messy, unorganized and hard to follow. But, as the movie goes along, there is a noticeable difference with Bogart and Bacall’s performances. The film was plagued with re-shoots, as the studio wanted more sexual tension between Bogart and Bacall. Why? To Have and Have Not was a huge success and audiences wanted more of that tension. If more scenes with the lovers made the movie more incohesive, so be it. Bogart and Bacall had to be on screen.
As the film continues, their characters became more relaxed and that “spark” returns. In a scene where the couple mess around with a phone caller, the audience is treated to this irresistible connection between Bogart and Bacall. They are loose, having fun and the viewer gets a sense how off-screen jokes and fun was like between the two. On-screen Bogart and Bacall found magic; off-screen it was one of the unhappiest times of their lives. Both were professionals. The Big Sleep showcases the tremendous talent of Bacall and Bogart, masking their inner struggles. Yet, the body language is not always there; something always seems off.
But the film ends on a positive note, where Bogart’s character winds up with Bacall’s. Her character tells him whatever problems life throws at them, there is “nothing you can’t fix”. A positive thought after such a roller-coaster of a production. “In spite of my personal anguish, the movie was great fun,” Bacall echoed the positivity.
Times Are A-Changin’
Bogart and Mayo’s relationship only deteriorated. They continued fighting and drinking. “It was sad and it was hopeless,” Bacall said of Bogart and Mayo’s marriage, “His life with Mayo seemed to be one hangover after another — only destruction and ugliness.” In truth, Bogart worried for his wife. He certainly wanted a new life, but Mayo threatened suicide. How could he leave Mayo?
One night, Bogart called Bacall at three in the morning, informing her he missed her. Suddenly a woman’s voice began yelling at Bacall: “Listen you Jewish bitch — who’s going to wash his socks? Are you? Are you going to take care of him?” It was Mayo. Bacall was petrified. She heard Bogart yelling for her to hang up the phone — her mother was yelling that too. Bacall eventually hung up the phone and left the house. She went for a drive — “to get away”.
Despite all these challenges and hardships, Bogart and Bacall could be not separated. “When I was with Bogie, it all became clear — he was so wise, he was so sure of how life should be lived,” Bacall admitted. Bogart was her rock, a positive soul in a world that pulled her in crazy, different directions. She trusted Bogart with everything and letting that go was too hard. They had to be together.
By January of 1945 Bogart had had enough: his marriage was over; Mayo and himself settled on a divorce. Bogart admitted to Bacall he had to be careful on how he approached the subject with Mayo. Though, his mind was fully made-up: he was head over heels in love with Bacall. Simply, Bogart needed Bacall in his life. “I couldn’t believe it, but I had to,” Bacall remembered. Bogart gave Bacall a gold bracelet, with her name on one side and “the whistler” etched on the other side. In another act of generosity, he gave Bacall a gold watch for Christmas, which he put on her wrist himself.
They both were happy to finally be able to spend time together, but Bogart was filled with anxiety. He had completely changed his life, though he admitted that was what he wanted. There was still some complex emotional transgressions swimming in his mind. Mayo had been bad for him, but he did not like hurting anyone. He did not want any harm to come to Mayo — physical or emotional.
While he settled his divorce with Mayo, Bogart’s humor failed him more times than not when with Bacall and friends, lashing out with ease. He continued to be anxious about the age difference and the fact Bacall was just beginning her career. Bogart knew — being married already to three actresses — that if Bacall “stuck with [her] career, a marriage to him could not succeed”. Bacall reassured Bogart: she was willing to be Mrs. Humphrey Bogart more than act.
Although Bogart went through emotional pitfalls, having Bacall by his side helped ease the pain of the divorce. Bogart cheerfully admitted he had something — and someone — to look forward to, again. Though, Bacall noticed he exposed himself emotionally. During this period of change, Bacall was “jarred” by his insecurity. He always seemed incredibly strong and protective, but, at times Bogart could fall into a deep sadness. For Bacall, her attraction continued to grow. “Never in my life had or has a man cared so much for me, wanted so much to protect me, surround me with life’s joys, share everything — it made me want to return the care and to show him it was possible to be really happy with a woman,” Bacall wrote years later.
Together, finally, the couple began to mingle with friends. Bacall liked meeting Bogart’s friends, though she would simply mind her own business when they all went out drinking. “To be thrust into this atmosphere when you are twenty is really traumatic,” Bacall remembered. But, these outings with Bogart’s friends were hugely beneficial. She learned to be more comfortable in social gatherings — absorb the social life of many Hollywood giants. This gave her time to adapt and grow. “There would have been no way for me to have a life with Bogie without adapting to his friends and his way of life,” Bacall admitted.
The couple went for a press tour in New York for The Big Sleep. The mob of reporters hounded both about their personal lives. Bogart advised Bacall to not answer any personal questions: “Fuck ’em if they don’t like it.” While in New York, Bogart met Bacall’s family and friends. One night, Bacall was with Gloria Nevard, a childhood friend. The two discussed Bogart and plans for marriage. “She was so in love,” Nevard said of Bacall, “She was just completely transported.”
With Bacall’s family, Bogart was reserved — Bacall used the word “defensive” — because he was older than a majority of her family members. Regardless, Bacall’s family was happy to meet Bogart (despite concerns about him being thrice married) and pleasantries were given. Once they left to get back to promoting the film, Bogart remarked to Bacall, “Christ, you’ve got more goddamned relatives than I’ve ever seen.” Harking back to his childhood, Bogart had never been close to his family. Seeing how close Bacall was to hers — and getting an idea that he’d have a family one day — added another ounce of anxiety to his life.
On May 10th, 1945, Humphrey Bogart and Mayo Methot were officially divorced. The press waited outside the proceedings. “Bogey and I are the best of friends,” Mayo told them, “He is a very nice guy. It was a very pleasant marriage.” Even with the positive message to the press, it did little to save any sort of relationship. Humphrey Bogart and Mayo Methot never spoke to each other again.
Bogart and Bacall had talked about this day for quite sometime: 11 days later they were ready to be married. “We were walking on air,” Bacall remembered. Bacall’s family warmed up to Bogart after the New York trip; they were ecstatic. Once the wedding was official, she began a countdown, holding up fingers everyday with how many days left until they were married. It would be a short, simple ceremony. Bacall was thrilled to “hold hands for all to see”.
The ceremony was held at a house in Malabar Farm in Ohio. On the Monday before the wedding, the couple went to get their marriage license. Ohio law dictated the bride be a resident of Ohio. Bacall gave her address as “Route 1, Lucas, Ohio” — the address of Malabar Farm.
The wedding was a small affair, a few guests and family. Bacall was nervous, refusing to see Bogart the day of the wedding. (She enjoyed the superstitions). Bacall wore a pink, belted suit and only a touch of lipstick — “the only noticeable makeup”. Bogart wore a gray flannel suit.
With minutes to go before the ceremony, a nervous Bacall rushed to the bathroom. While in the bathroom, she began to hear the Wedding March. Bogart looked up, “Where is she?” A friend shouted back: “Hold it — she’s in the can!”
Bacall nervously walked toward Bogart, the flowers in her hand shaking. “As I stood [next to Bogart], there wasn’t a particle of me that wasn’t moving,” Bacall remembered. Tears rolled down Bogart’s face, as he placed the ring on Bacall’s finger and said “I do.” When they were pronounced husband and wife, Bogart leaned in to kiss Bacall, who “shyly” turned her cheek. She was self-conscious with everyone watching. “Hello, Baby,” Bogart said to Bacall, who hugged him.
The couple was filled with joy. “It seemed that everything that had ever happened to me had led me to this day with him,” Bacall wrote, “I had no doubt that this happiness would last forever.” Reporters had snuck in; photographers began snapping pictures. At one point, a reporter asked Bacall if she was going to continue acting or stay at home and raise a family — addressing her as Mrs. Bogart . “Oh, I love you,” Bacall told the reporter, “You’re the first one to call me Mrs. Bogart.”
The couple stayed the night at the farm, then caught a train to Chicago the next day. They hurriedly made it back to Los Angeles, where another work week soon began.
While filming The Big Sleep, many film-goers’ favorite film of theirs (here’s some editorial material for you: I disagree), Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall endured incredible loneliness and emotional pain. Those feelings can be felt in the film, but underneath the despair is a love that shines through. Certain scenes that Bogart and Bacall share in The Big Sleep mainly ooze with a slickness, yet something still remains off. The answer stems from their lives behind the scenes, where traumatic late nights and endless worrying about their relationship plagued both Bogart and Bacall.
But fate intervened. Their love was meant to be and, ultimately, they ended up together. Married, the couple would enjoy life as one — as Bacall had knew would be their fate. The future would bring a family and many happy memories of adventure. Waiting in the wings were their final two movies together, which provides even more insight to their love and devotion.
Part 3 is here!
